My battle with cocaine

Part 1.

My first transfer on my mission we lived in an ooooold creepy GHETTO used-to-be-school that was converted into apartements. Across the hall from us lived a man named No Pants. (Well his real name is Danny, but we called him No Pants for certain reasons.) No Pants recycled cans for a living. He would get up EARLY in the morning and could be heard in the hall jiggling his cans around, sorting them, crushing them..whatever it was he did. Well one night my companion and I got home and we happened upon No Pants in the hall and he was hiiiiiigh as a kite. We asked him what was up and he animately told us how the neighbors upstairs had SNUCK into his apt while he was IN THE SHOWER and they had put COCAINE in his milk. Yada yada yada, he drank the milk, and now he is VERY upset that they would break in and do such a thing.

*Here I am thinking, yeah, sure No Pants. I'm totally sure our poor ghetto white trash neighbors REALLY wasted their precious drugs on you. Get a grip* My companion on the other hand was outraged. "You need to call the cops!" "They can't just go breaking into people's apartments,putting drugs in their milk!" Bless her clueless heart. We eventually made it safely into our apartment and away from his craziness.

Crisis averted. Victory #1.

Part 2.

Today while in the bathroom at work I noticed in the toilet paper holder there was a small pile of drugs. Why would there be cocaine in the Kimberly Clark toilet paper holder, I thought to myself. Something seems aloof. So I decided I better take matters into my own hands. I bravely grabbed a little pinch with my fingers and determined by the texture and smell that it was in fact just toilet papers shavings.

Once again I am victorious.
Andrea - 2.


Bethany said...

Good work, Drug Sleuth. The world is a safer place because of you!!!! I remember stories about No Pants...fun stuff!!!

Paul, Mikaela, & Kaden said...

Anytime I am feeling down from now on, I think I will come to your blog and read a story or two. Keep em' coming. I feel so blessed to have met you ever, but to have found this blog... doubly blessed:) Miss you!

Ali and Jeff said...

I am doing a one-to-one at the hospital today and was in a patient's room when I read this...I almost woke them up by laughing so hard. I tried my best, not to laugh out loud, but my initial reaction was a quick, loud, laughing outburst.

Douglass Family said...

Nothing like a good No Pants story to lighten the evening. Way to go on the Cocaine Victory. I don't think I could be more proud of a former comp. DUDE I LOVE YOU!