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5.05.2009

time flies whether you're having fun or not

So 17 years ago on Cinco de Mayo I was at my dad's funeral. He had been dead for 3 days by this point, and it still felt surreal and impossible. Brad and I were talking the other day about my dad and how I've never even really told someone everything I felt about it and what was going on in my little world during all of it. I think the only person that's heard about it was my 12th grade English teacher, Mrs. Catani because we had to write a paper on an experience with death. That was the first time I'd ever actually gone back over every detail of that week and it was not really fun to think about - so maybe that's why I've never really talked about it. When I saw my dad fall from the cherry picker thing and land on the sidewalk I was so worried of course, but my first thought was- we just have to have faith and he'll be okay. They hurried and put my little sister and brother and I in our car and took us down the street so that we didn't have to see him like that and see when the ambulance came. I kept telling Amy and Andy we just needed to have faith and he'd be okay. And I started a fast as soon as it happened and said I wasn't ever going to eat again until I knew he'd be okay. That was the worst few hours of my life.... Just that time of uncertainty and not knowing what was going to happen. My older brothers came over to the house where we were and my brother Ammon called my dad's parents and told them dad had fallen and been hurt and to come up to Idaho. Then we knelt down as little brothers and sisters and said a prayer. I wish that was still my brothers first place to turn- was to God. We went to the hospital and went into a room with a table where my mom was and Anneke and her friend Mindy were there and my Uncle Ron and a couple of other people. My mom told us dad died and I don't really remember anything else after that until we got to the car and I asked my brother Aaron who was going to call me Bugsy now (that was my dads nickname for me). Aaron said he would always call me Bugsy- which by the way he never does. The rest of the week is blurry. I just remember lots of people coming over and hugging us, and I remember food not sounding good. I went to my aunt and uncles house the night he died because I didn't like to be home. It felt SO wierd to be in my house and know my dad wasn't coming back there. Friends of my aunt and uncles brought food to their house for them as a sign of sympathy and I remember standing on their stairs and they were telling someone what had happened and they didn't get the details right and I felt so angry that they weren't saying it right. Like they weren't doing justice to my dad or something. That was wierd of me. But anyway. It was really wierd having my cousins all around for the funeral because I was so confused. I would be playing with them and then remember why they were there. It was such a bad confusing unhappy feeling. But we did have a lot of good people around us and tons of support.

It's crazy to me that it's been so long. 17 years! I was only 10- I barely knew him. But I'm so grateful for the hope we can have for a better world and for eternity because of the Savior. I'm grateful for angels. Everyone should read or reread the talk by Elder Holland from the Oct 08 General Conference..Ministry of Angels. It always seems wierd to think about there actually being angels that are aware of us and help us, and when I hear other people's experiences where they've felt angels around them it's kind of strange for me. But I don't know why- because I've had my own experiences and KNOW that they are real. I'm grateful that even when people die they are aware of us and can help us and protect us and be a part of our lives.

I know it's been a long time since I've posted and this maybe isn't the most enjoyable post for most people and may bore some- but I am just thankful for my dad and wanted to share how much I miss him, but also how thankful I am that I know he is near.

15 comments:

AMY LEVATAU said...

wow andrea, i'm glad you wrote this...Its good to hear how other people felt about dad dying... We never really did talk about it as a family. Wish we would have. But like Brad said over the weekend, we still can, and I think all of us kids and mom should. I struggle more with dad being gone now than I ever have before. It seems to just get harder. anyway, I love you. thanks for sharing your thoughts

Brad Frandsen said...

I love you babe... I know you make your Dad proud everyday for the woman you have become!

Shelley Brown said...

Andrea, thanks for posting that beautiful story. I needed a reminder of families being together forever.

Shelley Hart-Brown

Joyce said...

Sweet Bugsy - thanks for sharing. How hard and confusing that all must have been for you. I'm so thankful for you and for your faith and strength.

Lara said...

Andrea. I love your dad for bringing my best friend into the world.
Thanks for all that has surpassed with you and me this past week. You are one of the walking angels Elder Holland talks about.. that I know for certain.
Love you.
And love you even more for having such a hilarious out of place title.

plpamlee@gmail.com said...

Andrea, that was soooo touching and sweet. I lost my dad 11 days before I turned 15 and it has been the hardest thing I have experienced up until the death of my unborn child. I have never talked about my feelings either and you have beautifully expressed yours. My mother and my father died on the same calendar day Dec. 31st 36 years apart but I must say that my mom's death did bring me some peace with my dad's death. Thanks for sharing that tender time in your life. I hope you don't mind that I read it.
Pam Lee (Beth's mom)

Ali said...

That was beautiful. Thank you for sharing your experience and your beliefs. It is people like you that experience death so close to them and handle it as you have with such faith and eternal perspective that I believe the veil is thinner for you...especially if you believe in a higher power with angels close by. Thank goodness we know what we do.

Alexis said...

Thanks for sharing your story. I remember hearing that your dad had died and feeling so sad for you and your family. Little did I know it would happen to me 7 years later. So thankful for the gospel and the knowledge we have of eternal families. And I am excited to re-read the talk you posted - I remember it being a good one. What a sweet thing for you and your siblings to pray together. It shows what wonderful parents you have!

Anneke said...

I love you, my dear, sweet little sister. Thank you for this.

Wakefield Family said...

Sis- I loved hearing your thoughts. I am amazed at the blessings that followed your dads death. You have always been such a great example of faith to me and I know now that you learned it at such a young age. Love you guys so much:)

Beth

Anonymous said...

Bugsy - you are such a sweet little sister - you always were. It is amazing to me it has been so long. I think about that day often, it was very surreal. I remember suggesting that we pray, it's silly that is a factor in the lack of faith I have now - I really wanted a miracle. I'm so thankful for you. Thanks for writing this. I love you!

Aaron

BeckyRuss said...

Thanks for sharing such a personal experience with us Bayles. You are such an amazing woman and I love everything about you. Your faith truly amazes me even through the hard times. I have learned so much from you in the mission field and continue to learn so much from you. Brad is so lucky to have you. You are amazing! Love you!

Eric and Jodi Eames said...

Bay you seriously are wise beyond your years. I know you always told me on the mission that you never felt like a good missionary...but I don't think you realized the profound strength, kindness, and wisdom that you posessed and still do. To tell you the truth I felt blessed to serve around you...somehow the days didn't feel so long or unproductive when you were there.

Sometimes I still feel myself drawn to you and just wanna be in your presence for a few minutes to feel the joy of life and your sense of humor you always seem to chase my bad days away without even knowing it. You are a gifted woman Bay and I am so glad I know you even though I don't see you very often I luv your guts more than ever!

Jarubla said...

Thank youfor sharing Andrea, both your words about your dad and Elder Holland's talk.

:):)

-Jay

The Nelsons said...

Andrea, you are such an amazing person. what a neat way to honor your dad. I love ya.